


If I could tell him

by BigGleeFanatic



Series: DEH One Shots and Drabbles [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: And was friends with Connor, Don't Read This, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Tried, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Song fic, Song: If I Could Tell Her (Dear Evan Hansen), What if Evan had a crush on Jared, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-06 10:24:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17343578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigGleeFanatic/pseuds/BigGleeFanatic
Summary: Evan adores his childhood friend, but he doesn't think its mutural.orMe writing the If I Could Tell Her scene as though it happened before the play and it was Evan talking about Jared to Connor...Dont ask, and I tried.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so when I wrote this it was a part of a series. I wanted to write a fic where Connor, Jared, and Evan had been friends throughout their childhood and grew apart. This in a way was going to be around when the song For Forever was based, so before Evan attemtped suicide but after school was over. Anyways I am still thinking about writing the series but I wanted feedback.

“Why do you even hang around Kleinman? He treats you like shit most of the time.” Connor asked, leaning against the trunk of the tree. Evan shifted on the branch and grimaced in discomfort. Whether that was due to the fact he was sitting in a tree or the situation he had yet to figure out. After a few seconds in silence, he decided that Connor probably wouldn’t judge him.

 

"He isn't that bad. At least he wasn't when we were kids." Evan stammered slightly.

 

"Kleinman, not that bad?" Connor asked in confusion. He didn't understand how Evan could still not see that Kleinman was an ass. After everything that had happened in the years before, well it was honestly a surprise that Evan was still friends with him as well.

 

"I think he is awesome," Evan said confidently, which also surprised Connor.

 

"How?" Connor scoffed. Evan took a moment to gather his thoughts, wondering how he should word what he was about to say.

 

"Well, um there is nothing like his smile. You know his real one that is more subtle. He hardly smiles like that anymore. However, when no one else is around, he sometimes still gets that smile." Evan started, his voice softening at the end. Connor nodded in understanding. He remembered the smile, and, now that he thought about it, he never saw it anymore.

 

“I don’t think Jared knows how his smile makes us feel when we see it. I sometimes think it can light up a room.” Evan continued.

 

“I get it. Remember back in sixth grade when we had that candy war in the movie theater? I think that was the last time I saw him genuinely smile like that.” Connor said, making Evan smiled. That particular day had been one of the happier ones in middle school. Though, that day had been the last time Jared had hung out with him and Connor. It had also been the last time Jared smiled in public.

 

“Yeah. Hey did you know Jared still draws on his jeans in class? I saw him doodling hearts all over them last week.” Evan said in an attempt to change the topic. In a way he wanted Connor to know Jared was not a bad guy.

 

“Really, huh I guess some things never change,” Connor said, a soft smile forming on his face.

 

“He also still buys those teen magazines. He fills out the test in them, though he says it’s ironic or something.” Evan rambled on.

 

“Nah, you know he likes the test.” Connor snorted. The two of them talked a bit more before Evan climbed down to sit next to Connor, who instantly wrapped his arm across his friends' shoulders.

 

“I wish I could tell him these things, you know? If I could, I'd tell him everything I see. I would tell him that he's everything to me. It's hard though, cause he would say we're too far apart. Not that I'd know how to start." Evan mumbled, his eyes filling with tears as he spoke. Connor only nodded slightly, knowing what Evan was feeling.

 

“Do you wanna talk about something else?” Connor asked. Evan shook his head in response. He knew that he needed to get this out.

 

"I thought he looked real pre-erm he looked pretty cool. When he got new glasses?" Evan said, attempting to save himself. Connor chuckled slightly, shaking his head at his friend.

 

“Yeah those new frames were sick,” Connor said, humoring his friend.

 

“I always wondered how he could hold his chin up when he walks through all the masses.” Evan continued. Connor could hear his friends earlier statement about how much he wishes he could tell this to Jared in his head.

 

The look of adoration was still on Evans' face as he continued his vent. If Connor hadn't already known, it would have been now he found out about his friends' feelings for their childhood friend.

 

“What do you do when you can’t just speak your mind?” Evan asked, his voice was full of pain. Connor could also clearly see the pain in Evans' eyes.

  
“He isn’t that far away,” Connor reassured the smaller boy.

 

“And what do you do when he would never give you the time?” Evan spat out as panic started to shine on his face. It was almost as though Evan was beginning to realize something.

 

"Try to tell him anyways Evan," Connor said in an attempt to soothe the boy.

 

"How do you say I love you? I love you. I love you!" Evan said, his voice growing louder with each word. After he yelled out the final 'I love you' he slumped back into Connors' arms, fully crying at this point.

 

“I love you, but we have grown too far apart. Not that I know where to start. If I could tell him if I could." Evan whispered. Connor could feel the tears soak through his shirt, but he stayed silent. Evan needed to cry this out, and Connor would not stop him.

 

'I need to talk to Kleinman. At the very least I need to get him to talk to Evan again.' Connor thought to himself as he laid his head on Evans.


	2. Connor talks to Jared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So funny story, I kinda wrote the responce shortly after I wrote the first chapter a while back...Figured I would post it. 
> 
> Three things you need to know:
> 
> 1: When I initally wrote this I had not read any of the book, so I had no idea what Connor was up to during the summer before their senior school year
> 
> 2: In this Connor went to the same camp as Jared, again was intending on writng a series
> 
> 3: There may or may not be more smaller refrences to the things I was planning on writing in the series I had started writng at that point. So anything that doesn't fully make sense kinda is due to that. 
> 
> On with the fic

“You are a fucking dick!” Connor yelled as soon as the door closed. Jared glared at him, though his eyes showed anything but the anger displayed on his face.

“What and you aren’t? If I recall you are the one that has the anger issues.” Jared snarked. Connor glared at the boy; but, he didn't say a word until he calmed down. Afterall he was doing this for Evan.

“This isn’t about me,” Connor said through his teeth, attempting to do the breathing exercise that Evan had him try.

“Right, then why did you push me into your empty cabin,” Jared asked, emphasizing on the "your" in the sentence.

“We need to talk about Evan, more specifically why you have been treating him like a piece of trash for the past four years,” Connor said, keeping his voice down.

“Right, like you haven't been doing the same thing,” Jared responded quickly, though to be honest, he had no idea if Connor and Evan did hang out anymore.

“No, unlike you I have the decency to treat my best friend of nine years well.” Connor snapped.

“As much as I would love to keep on talking to you Mr. Best Friend of the Year, I need to get going,” Jared said, heading to the door of the cabin.

“Evan thinks you hate him,” Connor said quickly. Jared stopped abruptly and for a second Connor swore he could see Jared's mask fall.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Jared said coldly. His mask was back on as soon as the words left his mouth, though it was not as strong as before.

“Last May, we talked about why he was still friends with you. For whatever reason, he still found more reasons to stick with you than reasons to leave. The only thing he could say negative about you is that you would never give him the time of day. That you think that you have grown too far apart.” Connor said. He knew that Evan would kill him for saying anything. Especially since it is Jared he is telling this too. Despite that fact, he kept on talking, keeping Jared in his spot as he went on.

Connor told him about the small things Evan had noticed such as how he bought the dumb teen magazines to how he loved his smile. At some point Jared had sat on Connors bed, crying silently. Despite this fact, Connor kept going until he finally hit Jared breaking point.

“By the time he stopped talking about it he was crying, whispering I love you to himself. He wants to be able to tell you all of this; but,

you are to busy hanging onto yourself image to notice. I do not care if you have feelings for him. You need to fix this and talk to him. Like a normal person.” Connor said. He then started to stand up. Jared then grabbed his hand and looked up at him.

“How do I fix this? How can I make him see that he is everything to me?” Jared whispered brokenly.

“Just tell him,” Connor responded before pulling his once best friend into a hug. Everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of what was finished from the series... If I actually end up writing the series I will add this to the series.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is not only welcomed, it is very much wanted. If you are interested in the series described in the first authors note then let me know.


End file.
